True confidence is not about feeling pretty.
In fact, it’s not about looks at all. Confidence is about knowing that you’re worthy and capable even if you don’t “feel pretty” some days.
I often get questions asking “girl, how did you get so confident?” Or “I wish I was confident enough to wear a bikini or rock a tight dress”
Here’s the answer…
I started cultivating confidence by NOT attaching my self-worth to how I feel in my skin that day.
Sometimes I wake up feeling insecure in my skin and the last thing I want to do is put on a tight dress.
Sometimes I compare myself to others on Instagram while I’m scrolling.
Sometimes I don’t feel pretty.
We all go through this, even the people you admire most don’t always feel confident. Of course it’s easier to feel confident if you love your body. But that doesn’t mean you have to love every part of your body to lead your life with confidence.
One thing I learned in recovery is to NOT let my thoughts about my body influence how I’m going to approach my day. Including what I’m going to eat, who I’m going to connect with, what I’m going to accomplish, etc.
Confidence is about creating an environment, mindset, and relationship with your body that is not about looks. It’s about recognizing how worthy and capable you are just because you’re human. That’s it, you win???
So let’s get into my top 9 tips to be more confident in your body ??…
1. Touch yourself
No, really, when was the last time you touched yourself just to FEEL yourself (not necessarily in the sexual sense, although that’s always an option lol ?). Remember how I say “focus on your body EXPERIENCE rather than your body IMAGE”??? Feel what it’s like to breathe, to see, to touch, to feel…We’re so caught up with looking AT our bodies that we forget to feel IN our bodies.
2. Dress up
When I was struggling with binge eating disorder I’d wake up the morning after a binge, look in the mirror and think “fuck it, since I feel like shit, I might as well look like shit too.” I’d proceed to put on an ugly pair of sweatpants, tie my hair up into something that resembled a coughed up fur ball, and run out the door wearing the remainder of the last day’s makeup. DON’T DO THIS. Dress up even if you don’t want to. Wash your damn face. Put makeup on anyways or whatever it is that makes you feel good. Whatever you do, don’t bully yourself into an even deeper hole by neglecting self-care and creating more reasons to feel shitty. ?
3. Express yourself
Okay this one is a bit more abstract but stay with me. If you’re not continuously expressing yourself — spiritually, emotionally, mentally — your self-confidence will inevitably tank . ?Think of #bodyconfidence as a physical representation of your inner being so if you don’t live authentically, speak your truth or share your gifts with the world, you’ll subconsciously start resenting yourself and thus, your body. So speak up. Challenge yourself. Paint. Create. Dance. Sing. Play. Love. And love (yourself) fully. ♥️
4. Spend more time naked with yourself
There have been a few studies recently that show sleeping naked boosts your confidence (among having other health benefits). The less exposure you have to your own naked body, the more likely you are to be unhappy with it. But by spending more time naked with yourself, the more you will feel like your body is normal and that there’s nothing wrong with it. We can’t accept what we can’t see, and if you’re constantly hiding from your body, from really looking at your body, it makes it harder to accept yourself the way you are.
5. Repeat this mantra: “My body does not determine my worth”
There’s a difference between a mantra and an affirmation: a mantra is something you accept as the truth, you’re not trying to “convince” yourself of anything, it’s simply something you repeat to get you out of a mind funk. Whenever you feel yourself slipping into negative thoughts about your body, take a moment to close your eyes and repeat this mantra, like a quick mediation, until the negativity starts to fade away. So say it again with me…my body does not determine my worth.
“My body does not determine my worth”
6. Spend less time on social media.
First of all, ANY photo that you see on social media or in a magazine is NOT. REAL. LIFE. The girls in those pictures have their hair/makeup done, they’re posing in a “flattering” angle, and the pic itself is edited through Photoshop, Facetune or simply brightened.So of course you’re not going to look like the girl in the photo when you’re standing in a dimly-lit dressing room looking at a mirror that doesn’t Facetune/Photoshop you!!! ?
Another reason you won’t look like the girl on Instagram is because YOU? ARE NOT? HER. And she is not you! Her curves are beautiful but so are YOURS. ♥️
7. Do a social media detox.
So this connects to the previous tip. You want to make sure that your life is filled with more than just social media, but when you ARE on social media, you should take care to make sure that the accounts you follow lift you up, not tear you down. Follow only inspiring accounts that make you feel good and don’t feel bad about unfollowing someone (whether it’s temporarily or permanently) that don’t make you feel good. Even if it’s a friend or person you know, you don’t owe anyone a “follow” on social media. If they ask about it, politely explain to them how you’re just minimizing your life and only following certain types of accounts, or something like that. ? But most of the time, no one will even notice if you unfollow. And, at least on Instagram, if you really can’t bring yourself to unfollow, then at least mute their account. What you expose yourself to impacts how your mind perceives yourself, so focus on exposing yourself to positive, inclusive, and uplifting spaces when you spend time online.
8. Lift others up
Send someone a kind text, voice message, video message or call them! One of the keys to killer confidence is to lift others up and what better time to surprise someone with love than first thing in the morning?! Whenever I’m really struggling I remind myself “when in doubt, focus OUT!” This helps you get out of your head and focus on making a difference which ALWAYS makes us feel better.
Of all the tips, this is one of my favorites because it’s such an easy thing to do, that doesn’t require me to be in a good place at the start. I don’t have to make myself feel better before I can say or do something nice for someone else, BUT the act of making others feel better always makes me feel better in the long run. It’s so easy to get stuck in your own head and dwell on negative thoughts, but it’s just as easy to sent a text to a friend or compliment a stranger in line at Starbucks and these two feelings are NOT in competition with each other. So… when in doubt, focus OUT!
9. Remember that BODY-image and SELF-confidence are 2 totally different things
If you’re having a bad body-image day, it’s OKAY, and it doesn’t automatically mean that your whole day is shit and that you can’t be confident REGARDLESS of your body. Look at other areas of your life for confidence and give your confidence a well-rounded definition that goes beyond your body. When I gained nearly 50 pounds in one summer, I was miserable because I was making this one simple mistake.
My body-image affected my self-confidence. I was not only gaining weight, but in my head I was a fat, lazy, unworthy loser (that’s literally how I talked to myself, how sad is that?! ?).
That’s where we go wrong with confidence; we think that just because we’re struggling in one area, we have failed in alllll other areas of life.
To me, gaining weight turned into avoiding people, which turned into losing my friends, which turned into feeling lonely, which turned into depression, which turned into not being motivated to do anything which turned into feeling lazy, which turned into eating my feelings. which turned into gaining more weight, which turned into me feeling like I’ve failed at life.
See where I’m going with this? Too dramatic! Separate the 2 concepts so that you don’t go into a downward spiral of doom!
So there you go, my top 9 tips for boosting your body confidence. Also remember that all of this is an ongoing process. Some days are easier than others, and a bad day doesn’t define your life. I hope that the next time you’re having a rough body-image day my tips for having body confidence will help you feel a little better.
And always remember: you are wonderful and worthy and capable, no matter how you feel about your body on a given day.
And if you want more tools for self-confidence, download my FREEE confidence workbook by clicking the image below!