Female Friendship Advice for Women Who Crave Deep Connection

There’s something really special about female friendships. They’re the friends who know all your embarrassing stories and still love you. The ones you call after a breakup, the ones who show up with ice cream (or tequila), and the ones who genuinely celebrate your success without jealousy, comparison, or ulterior motives.

But as beautiful as female friendships are, they can also feel… complicated. Making friends as an adult is hard. Keeping those friendships alive through different seasons of life is harder. And conflict? Forget about it—most of us would rather avoid it altogether.

I’ve been thinking about female friendship a lot, and I’ve also talked about it with some incredible women on my podcast. What I’ve learned is that friendships don’t just magically appear and sustain themselves. Female friendships take intention, openness, and sometimes a little bit of courage.

So if you’ve been craving deeper connections or wondering how to make new friends, I hope this gives you some ideas (and permission) to go for it.

Why Female Friendships Matter So Much

We live in a world that constantly reveres romantic relationships. Movies, songs, and cultural narratives all tell us that finding “the one” is the most important goal. But if you think about your own life, you’ll probably realize that your girlfriends have often carried you through just as much, if not more, than a partner has.

They are the ones who pick up the phone when you are crying, who pack boxes with you when you move, who make you laugh when you thought you’d never smile again.

Research backs this up: women with strong social ties report better mental health, greater resilience, and even longer lifespans. But beyond statistics, we know it in our bones. We feel better when we are in connection.

Journalist Rhaina Cohen, who wrote The Other Significant Others, put it best when she told me:

“We expect too much from our romantic partners and too little from our friends.”

That line has stayed with me because it reframes everything. What if friendships were not secondary? What if they were just as central, just as worthy of commitment, just as significant as romantic relationships?

This is one of the biggest reasons I host self-love retreats: to create intentional spaces where women can meet, connect, and build the kind of friendships that outlast the retreat itself. I’ve seen women leave these gatherings with lifelong best friends, and it’s one of the most rewarding parts of my work.

The Barriers We Put Up Without Realizing

When I moved back to Arizona after living abroad, I found myself feeling lonely. I was surrounded by people — in yoga studios, at coffee shops, even in college classes — but I wasn’t really connecting with anyone.

Looking back, I realize I was stuck in covert avoidance. On the outside, I looked approachable. But on the inside? My energy was saying: “Don’t talk to me. I’m not enough. Why would anyone want to be friends with me?”

Kat Vellos, author of We Should Get Together, calls this the invisible wall we carry. Friendships require openness, and if your self-worth is shaky, you might unintentionally keep people at arm’s length.

So before we even talk about where to meet new friends, it starts here: believing you’re worthy of connection. Female friendships thrive when you feel safe enough to let yourself be seen.

Where to Find Female Friends as an Adult

So let’s talk about the practical side, because this is a question I get asked all the time: where do you even meet new friends?

Kat Vellos encourages us to think about “third places,” which are spaces that are not home and not work, but something in between. Coffee shops, gyms, libraries, local parks. When you frequent these spaces, people start to recognize you, and recognition is the first step toward connection.

Other places to consider:

• Shared activities. Yoga, pottery, hiking, cooking classes, book clubs. Doing something you genuinely enjoy will naturally bring you into contact with like-minded women.
• Online communities. I know people can be skeptical, but I’ve made some of my dearest friends from Instagram DMs. Platforms like Bumble BFF are also designed specifically for this. Online connections are real and can absolutely translate into offline friendships.
• Your own neighborhood. One of my closest friendships started when I decided to host a sangria-and-kebab night for neighbors. A woman who lived diagonally across from me came, and we’ve been inseparable ever since.

The truth is, potential friends are everywhere. The challenge is being open enough to notice them.

Moving Past Surface-Level “Catch Ups”

Even once you’ve made friends, the real work begins in deepening the connection. Too often we fall into what I call “catch-up culture,” where we are simply updating each other on what’s been happening in life.

Updates are fine, but if we want our friendships to feel nourishing, we need to go beyond them.

My friend Jessi Jean, a friend and fellow podcaster, shared with me that what sustains friendships is shared experiences. A fancy phrase that means “GO DO SOMETHING TOGETHER!”

I also believe that RITUAL is a key to building friendships. It’s not about showing up to that pottery class once and expecting to make a friend. You have to make yourself a familiar face! And then when you finally get to talking with someone, don’t stop ritualizing those shared experiences.

Whether it’s a weekly gym date or a monthly movie night, ritual creates consistency, and consistency builds trust.

Other ways to deepen female friendships include:

• Asking more meaningful questions. Try “What’s been on your heart lately?” instead of “How’s work?”
• Creating shared experiences, even mundane ones like grocery shopping or meal prepping together.
• Allowing weirdness and spontaneity. One of my favorite memories is when I invited myself over to a friend’s place with a thawed salmon and said, “Let’s cook this together.” It was random and slightly awkward, but it became a memory we still laugh about.

At my retreats, I often witness how quickly bonds can deepen when women are given the space to go beyond surface-level conversation. When you gather in a circle, share your stories, and let yourself be vulnerable, connection forms at lightning speed. It is proof that depth doesn’t require years, it just takes a little intentionality.

Embracing Conflict as a Pathway to Intimacy

One of the most misunderstood aspects of friendship is conflict. We expect it in families, marriages, and workplaces, but when it shows up in friendships, many of us panic.

Danielle Bayard-Jackson, a friendship coach and researcher, helped me see conflict differently. She said,

“Conflict is not the enemy of closeness. It is evidence that you are close enough for your needs to collide.”

That perspective changed everything. Instead of seeing conflict as a red flag, I began to view it as a sign of depth. Friends who are close to us will eventually disappoint or cross a boundary. The question is not whether it will happen, but how we will handle it when it does.

Danielle encourages clear, compassionate communication. Something as simple as: “When you said this, I felt hurt. Can we talk about it?”

It takes courage, but conflict navigated with honesty often strengthens the bond rather than weakens it.

Gathering With Intention

Another layer of friendship is how we spend time together. Priya Parker, author of The Art of Gathering, reminded me that many of our social events are defaulted. Dinner at the same restaurant. Drinks after work. The same routines, over and over.

Priya challenges us to be more intentional. A gathering does not have to be extravagant to be meaningful. It just has to have purpose. Give the night a theme! Ask a few thoughtful questions. Switch up the location. Invite people into your home rather than always meeting on neutral ground.

Even small adjustments can make a gathering more connective and memorable.

The Role of Self-Love in Female Friendships

This might be the hardest part. Béa Victoria Albina, a somatic coach and nurse practitioner, told me that people-pleasing is a form of “emotional outsourcing.” When we constantly prioritize others’ needs in an attempt to earn love, we undermine our ability to truly receive love.

Healthy female friendships require reciprocity. They ask us to not only give but to receive, to ask for help, to be vulnerable.

This is where self-love comes in. When we know our worth, we can show up authentically in friendship. We can stop overextending ourselves and instead allow for mutual support. And sometimes the bravest thing we can do is to lean on a friend rather than trying to do it all ourselves.

Your Inner Circle

Danielle Bayard-Jackson also shared that most people can only handle 3–5 super close friendships at a time. Beyond that, you’ll have lighter connections, and that’s okay. Not every friendship has to be a soulmate connection. Not everyone has to be your bestie!

Focus on the few that feel the most nourishing. Quality over quantity.

Final Thoughts

Female friendships are not “nice to have.” They’re vital. They make us healthier, happier, and more grounded in who we are. But they don’t grow by accident. They take showing up, taking risks, and being willing to both give and receive.

Sometimes that looks like saying hi to the girl next to you at yoga. Sometimes it looks like throwing a random dinner party. Sometimes it looks like having the uncomfortable conversation instead of disappearing.

The smallest steps—a text, an invite, a moment of vulnerability—can lead to the kind of friendships that hold you for a lifetime.

So ask yourself: what’s one small thing I can do today to nurture my friendships?

Because the love we give and receive in friendship is often the love that teaches us how to love ourselves.

Hope you enjoyed this episode of Mary’s Cup of Tea: the Self-Love Podcast for Women.